Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Election Day Commeth

People think being a superhero is all saving the world from destruction and hanging out with super-powered chicks in tight body suits. Actually, these activities comprise only a small fraction of a super hero's duties.

The other stuff--the stuff you don't see in the comic books--is far more mundane, tedious and workaday, and usually involves sucking up to some government lackey to remain in the loop as far as secret missions, alien abductions, terrorist plots and other lucrative opportunities go.

Basically, I get paid on sliding scale that factors in just how many super-abilities were used in the course of a given mission. It's not so easy to work it all out, and sometimes I have to fight tooth and nail with the accounting department just to prove that I actually did rip open a car with my bare hands to save a family, or suck up the waters of the St. Lawrence in order to put out a flaming building in downtown Montreal.

It's not so easy to make ends meet as a caped crusader these days. It's ok for those American heros who can live off the royalties from magazine sales, back issue sales, and now, from movie franchises. But what's a poor Canadian hero supposed to do? In the off-season I actually run a snow removal business to make ends meet. The government stipend just wasn't doing the trick.

So anyways, with this election coming I'm a little worried, but not so much as in previous ones. If Martin wins, I'll be busy with the new gun control program, rounding up all the privately owned firearms in the nation and stockpiling them in some RCMP bunker in case the Americans realize just how much fresh water we have at our disposal and decide to launch a sneak attack.

If Harper gets in, I'll have plenty of work to do dealing with the increased crime that will come from the dismantling of yet more of our social safety net. When it comes time to deploy Canadian troops in some kind of war effort, to distract the population from mounting problems at home, I will no doubt be enlisted as the patriotic mascot.

Truth is, I'm more and more starting to feel that I'd rather just stay home and leave the crime fighting/world saving to a younger generation. But they seem to be too busy playing video games and downloading music for those Eyepod thingies. Seems like less and less people even care about the 'ol Captain nowadays. It might just be time to slip into obscurity with the other golden age heros like the Scarlet Avenger or the Black Canary, write my memoires and watch some Lone Ranger re-runs.


Blogger Gyrobo said...

Politics be a tiresome calling.

After frequently a slurry of political blogs, I need to spend a couple of days in the recharger.

11:14 PM  

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