Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Maskatron Powered by Soft Cheese

Dept. H forensic scientists have determined that it was not the explosion of one of Maskatron's plutonium fuel cells that created the large hole at the site where Fakiegrind Central Headquarters once stood.

Traces of organic dairy compounds in the blast crater have led our experts to believe that the assassin-bot Maskatron is actually fueled by an advanced transubstantiation device that releases massive amounts of energy from the breaking down of elements found in a variety of soft cheeses such as Brie and Sussex Slipcote.


The Canadian government would very much like to examine Maskatron's cheese converter technology in the hopes of finding new solutions to meet growing energy demands. However, the robot seems to be joy-riding through the timestream in a quest for interior decorating ideas, and shows little interest in cooperating with authorities.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Re: In-Car Nation

An interesting development in the Fakiegrind case was reported in the Steeltown Herald today:

Cars were lined up for blocks today, causing great traffic congestion in the north end as people waited to pay their respects to the fallen Agents from last Thursday's sneak attack on the Fakiegrind headquarters. The memorial service was held at Steeltown's new drive-thru funeral parlour--the first of its kind in central Canada.

Friends, family and fans of the Agents listened to the eulogy via their car radio sets while wating to pay their respects to the closed caskets behind the drive-by window of Lundy & Harrison's Memorial Services Inc on Catharine St.

Key streets in the downtown core were closed to regular traffic, and the Provincial Police were out in force, directing traffic and keeping the peace for the thousands of people mourning the loss of the internet blog authors/secret agents, whose popularity in recent months has approached minor rock star status.

Motorists lined up to pass by the window of Lundy
& Harrison's in Steeltown. Photo by Tom

However, the gathered masses were put into an uproar when two of the Agents thought to be lost in Thursday's cataclysmic battle were apparently spotted attending their own memorial service!

Fakie Agents Em and Rock-steady, though reportedly fallen in the conflict known as the Great Smorgasbord, were seen in a dilapidated blue Honda waiting in the motorcade with the other well-wishers. Though they wore sunglasses and sported Van Dyke-style goatees, the sighting was corroborated by at least three different people and one cat.

Citizens are still trying to make sense of the sighting which has brought under question the accuracy of the report of the battle supplied by the entity know as the Watcher.

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Satelite photo of former location of Fakiegrind Central Headquarters,
before one of Maskatron's feul cells went off. Luckily, nobody
was hurt in the explosion.

Casefile Update

A thorough investigation of the scene of former Fakiegrind headquarters came up with no bodies. We are worried about the possibility of zombie-reanimation on the part of Xister, who is still at large and in possession of Dr. Flavour's time machine.

It is believed that Xister is continuing his campaign to take over the world, despite being blinded recently in a run-in with a group of cannibal dwarves from the Negative/Neutral zone.

Flatlander, it seems, is still making postings on Fakiegrind from beyond the grave, somehow manipulating the ether-waves of the internet to leave reports about the afterlife for his readers.

The only other piece of evidence we could gather from the crime scene was a curious paperback that somehow escaped the devastation that may have occurred when one of Maskatron's plutonium fuel cells exploded:


The book contains plot summaries for some of "the Schlockiest Sci-fi in the Galaxy"--basically, a bunch of B-movies from the 1980s. It could be that this was the tome referred to as the Book of Oldness, from which Flatlander seems to have adapted many of the plots featured on his fantastical blog.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Casefile: X00-18775-NI77P

Fakiegrind Debriefing

I really enjoyed reading Fakiegrind. It was one of the few Canadian blogs that took seriously the treat of bionic super-robots and leagues of evil hypnotists. I am very sad that I didn't make it to the scene in time to save Flatlander and his friends from destruction. I am considering hunting down the one known as Xister and wreaking vengance, or at least serving him a summons to appear before the World Hypnotists Tribunal.

First, though, there is all the paperwork to complete--endless paperwork. Then there's the charity ball, and the new Corner Gas to many things! It's hard being an aging superhero.

Well, in the immortal words of Flatlander, as they are emblazoned on the great Ziggurat erected by Q*bert over the ruins of Fakie Central, Stay old!